I Am Happier To Know You

The Magic Of: It’s Not Your Business

jeanneeck — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 02:51:36 +0000

We all have teachers. Some are dazzling in their acts of kindness; others seem like real life monsters masquerading as friends, relatives, neighbors, repair people, or business associates. We’ve met them all. Their energy has raised us up or brought us to our knees, yet each one was paired with our soul to help us learn whatever lessons we’ve come here to learn.

It’s easy to be grateful to those who have shown us love and to despise those who have done the opposite. After all, when we feel powerless, hurt or humiliated, our minds run the gamut from hurt to rage. The problem is, we hold onto the yucky energy long after we’re able to remember why we were hurt in the first place.

Just as with people, places can bombard us with energy that makes us feel as if we’re being suffocated by negativity. If we don’t see it and work it through, it then drags us down to the same level. Yuck!

I was talking to one of my teachers about how a place had impacted me and that I needed to learn how to protect myself from destructive energy. Her response was, what I call, a great Ah ha!

Not exactly, Jeanne. Rather, protect yourself from energy that is not your business. Learning what belong to you and what is someone else’s issue, automatically includes the magic.

My interpretation, which will expand and grow with time, is that if the behavior of a group or an individual is a reflection of their issues rather than my issues, it is their business, not mine. And, in seeing this, there is no need to judge, place blame, or to participate in the drama. It is not my business and I don’t need to take it on. That’s the magic!

Copyright©2008 by Jeanne M. Eck. All rights reserved. For permission to duplicate this article, kindly contact the author via her website at: www.Iamhappiertoknowyou.com. While you’re there, be sure to check out information about her award-winning book I Am Happier to Know You.

I Miss You Too Much

jeanneeck — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 02:50:45 +0000

Last weekend I spent the evening with a friend and her parents, a lovely couple who have recently retired from work, but certainly not from life.

We talked about terrorism, and the fear that has touched the heart of so many of our world’s citizens, Americans in particular. Because I have lived overseas for nearly seven years, my view of the world is quite different from theirs. I see terrorism as not a single religious issue, but one that has been practiced worldwide by followers of nearly every religious group.

They asked me about my experiences living in a predominately Muslim country and if I am afraid of Muslims. I laughed and cried inside, not at them, but at fear that would make anyone afraid of millions of people. Rather than argue a point that many can not hear, I told them a story that reflects my personal experience with Muslims from every strata of society.

I left Egypt in the wee hours of the morning. The building I lived in was serviced by four guards who worked shifts, as well as a gardener, and a man who cleans the stairways and entrance to the building. When my ride arrived, I was deeply touched to see that everyone had all come to say goodbye. After loading my luggage into the van, they lined up in front of the building to wave goodbye. Tears streamed down their faces and mine.

Email, and an occasional international phone call, keeps me in touch with other friends from Egypt who always begin or end our conversation with exclamations of “Jeanne. I miss you too much!” Each time I return to Egypt, I am embraced by their love, their hospitality and their kindness. These are the Muslim’s I know. I Am Happier to Know You will introduce you to them, too.

Wisdomism

jeanneeck — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 02:47:11 +0000

My friends are of every age, but when I’m surrounded by those who, like me, are babyboomers, conversations often switch to the deterioration of our bodies rather than to the vitality of our minds and hearts.

I realized that we’ve bought into the hype about approaching old age and the not-so-subtle discrimination of ageism. Advertisements geared to us tout spokeschildren as models to advertise the wonders of wrinkle removing cream. Drug companies spend 30 seconds on commercials about the wonders of new medications that are perfect for us, and then fast forward through a host of disclaimers for the parts of our bodies they’ll eventually destroy. Hello! Having not been born yesterday is indeed a good thing.

I decided that we need a new word to describe exactly who we are: Wisdomism. Wisdomism is about the beauty of our hard-earned acumen and compassion. It doesn’t shy away from letting others know that our body hair has turned gray in areas where it isn’t advisable to use hair color, that our libidos haven’t died, or that sex over 60 is yummy, not yucky. Neither is it all about impending retirement, grown children or grandchildren who can give us hives, the fear that we won’t be able to pay for or find affordable healthcare, or that the social security we paid for is in jeopardy.

Wisdomism is about staying clear to our connection to our real selves, to the glorious part of us that has survived most of life’s losses and lessons while retaining the capacity to love and to laugh. It’s a time of attainment with no need to embrace the arrogant belief that unless you’re under forty you are invisible with nothing more to learn, to give, to share, or to teach. We do and we will!

The Love Mirror

jeanneeck — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 02:42:54 +0000

I was in a shop last week. I spend a lot of time and money there. The owner has become a dear friend. When she’s free, we sit and chat over coffee.

When I arrived, the shop was filled with foreign customers. To my delight, two of them are women I have worked closely with and deeply respect for their kindness to me and for their work on behalf of the community. Since one of the women had never been in the store before, I introduced her to my friend, the shop owner. Instead of graciousness, or feigning minimum politeness, the new foreign customer nodded and rudely turned her back on my friend. I was horrified and saddened by her behavior.

A week later, a similar thing happened to me. I was taking a course and sat down next to a woman who, it turns out had a beautiful, welcoming smile for everyone but me. As fast as a jackrabbit, she got up and left the class. When she returned, she moved to another seat. I was baffled and taken aback. I began to feel both angry and embarrassed, but thankfully remembered that whatever problem she had with me, it was hers to heal. Not mine.

I saw that I could remain hurt and angry, or do something positive to change the energy of the situation. So, I focused my energy on her back and consciously surrounded myself with symbolic mirrors of protection. (The mirrors allow only love to penetrate or flow from beneath them). I sent her love and silently told her that I was no threat to her.

She ignored me for the balance of the class, but when it was over, she went out of her way to grace me with her luminous smile and then stopped to chat for a few moments. I was delighted. She’s a dynamite woman with much to offer who needed to know that it was safe to do so.

Both situations remind me that how others act towards us is usually about them, not us. When we take a moment to give others a chance, to step beyond “status” or their fear, we have the opportunity to share love and acceptance that will be passed on to everyone we meet that day.

It Isn’t the Messenger, It’s the Message

jeanneeck — Fri, 23 May 2008 02:42:03 +0000

We’re all afraid of something. Most of us are afraid of many things: exposing who we truly are, loss, not being loved by those we love, feeling unsafe, feeling that we’re not in control, and the universal fear of change.

I’ve been reading Invisible Acts of Power, by Caroline Myss – one of my favorite authors. Myss writes about the human anxiety of “moving out of what is familiar,” and the ultimate benefit of taking the leap: She says that “Fate is how your life unfolds when you let fear determine your choices. A path of destiny reveals itself to you, however, when you confront your fear and make conscious choices.”

Her words were, what I call, a great Ah ha! I finally understood why I Am Happier to Know You, the story of my solo journey to Egypt, has often been described as “courageous,” a label I’ve never been comfortable with or embraced.

I went to Egypt alone, because, in accepting the challenge, I knew that there was incredible potential for the life I was leaving behind to be replaced by one of purpose and joy.

Myss’ wisdom helped me to understand that those who have not yet made the leap are afraid of upsetting the apple cart of their lives. I am proud that I Am Happier to Know You has helped many to do what I did, in their own way. It isn’t the messenger who is important, it’s the message.

Perfection

jeanneeck — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:53:29 +0000

I’ve got news for you, other than our essence, which is pure perfection, we’ll rarely see what we perceive as faultlessness in the behavior of someone we envy or look up to. This is because growth and healing can leave anyone temporarily off balance. When we’re off balance, we may not be able to remember all that we already know and, horror of horrors, act like a normal human being, flaws and all.

Perhaps, when their behavior disappoints us, it’s our own fear of never being “good enough” that causes us to label those we see as more advanced than we are as “hypocrites” or “frauds”. Or, perhaps it’s because their behavior may be a reflection of a deep fear within ourselves we’re being given the opportunity to explore and to heal.

“Imperfection” is often a sign that someone else is on the cusp of stepping beyond a difficult life lesson. Rather than degrading them, how about shouting “Hooray!” and offering a hug. For when someone else succeeds in climbing over the obstacle course of their own pain, they show us that we can do it too.

©2008 by Jeanne M. Eck. All rights reserved. For permission to duplicate or quote extensively from this article, kindly contact the author via her website www.Iamhappiertoknowyou.com. While you’re there, checkout Jeanne’s award winning book, I Am Happier to Know You.

Loss: The Catalyst for Change

jeanneeck — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 22:42:00 +0000

When we lose something or someone precious to us, in our pain we may fail to see the opportunities the loss provided.

Before making the decision to relocate to Egypt alone, my life was turned upside down by a series of losses that brought me to my knees. They forced me to reevaluate my life and to choose a new life path. There were no guarantees, but endless possibilities.

I Am Happier to Know You is the story of my journey and a reminder that every loss offers the opportunity to stay in the same place or to skip into the arms of our destiny.

©2007 by Jeanne M. Eck. All rights reserved. For permission to duplicate or quote extensively from this article, kindly contact the author via her website www.Iamhappiertoknowyou.com. While you’re there, checkout Jeanne’s award winning book, I Am Happier to Know You.

Picking up the Fire Extinguisher of Love and Pointing it in the Right Direction

jeanneeck — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 18:16:00 +0000

I was thinking about putting pins on the world map that’s hanging in my den. I thought it would be interesting to track the proliferation of natural disasters worldwide. I’m glad I didn’t bother. In addition to being depressing, I would have run out of room. And, if I added wars and violent conflicts, the map would have probably fallen off the wall from the weight of human devastation and aggression.

The Universe has always been there to help us individually, but I wonder if it is ready to throw up its hands and say, “You did it. You fix it. We’re exhausted.” Or, perhaps they’re still desperately shining the painful light of reality into our eyes while prying them open so we will finally focus on how we, as individuals, can choose to change the world for the betterment of all humankind.

We can wait for those scientists who will never have enough clear evidence to declare that our planet is overheating and dying. We can sit back and believe the economists who say inflation is under control and that the economies of the world are not in a state of collapse when we all know that if we ran our household budgets the way they run the economies of the world, we’d all be living in tents on the street alongside the millions of people who are already there. Politicians bask in the blinding light of power while living in fear that it will be taken from them if they embrace their knowing that every living being on the earth is a constituent.

Love is the fire extinguisher with the energy and strength to extinguish the flames that surround us. When we charge our canisters with love, we change the world. We just have to pick up our own cylinder and point it, and our hearts, in the right direction.

It’s Okay

jeanneeck — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 03:48:00 +0000

The Universe sends us messengers, often in the most unlikely places. The last one I received was in the ladies room of a hotel in Mumbai.

I was cleaning lunch off my blouse beside a caramel colored, fire plug of a woman with a perky attitude and European accent who’s eyes were glued to the stall her young daughter was taking her time exiting.

“How do you like India?” she inquired with what turned out to feel like saccharin-laced acid.

I really wasn’t in the mood for this question, one that is not uncommon between members of the expatriate community seeking help and support, so I answered it with a combination of standard replies, rather than just one to get the ordeal over with. If she needed support I would give it to her. We all need it.

“Today, Not very much. The energy of Mumbai is very challenging for me,” I said into the mirror. Without missing a beat she peppered me with a regurgitation of suggestions as to how I could be so much happier if I’d “let things slide” and then smoothly slipped into the, “You know, if you….”unsolicited advice script.

After nearly six weeks of diarrhea and nausea caused by parasites who had finally, but belligerently, left my intestinal tract, a three week headache from a sinus infection and cold, the recent loss of yet another dear friend back home, and the possibility still unconfirmed that our horse had been murdered in response to cultural jealousy, the restraint of my response was remarkable and swift.

“While I’m sure you’re trying to be helpful rather than unkind, I’m feeling that you’re being gratuitous and I don’t appreciate it. You have no idea what my life has been like here and your remarks are feeling really unkind.” I finished washing my hands and left. She said nothing.

So for a few hours afterwards I thought about the “accidental” meeting and looked for the lesson it carried. When I lived in Egypt I was baffled when other foreigners couldn’t laugh at the absurdities they faced and embrace a country and culture I adore. I probably mouthed the same “helpful” utterances instead of listening and providing what the other person really needed, a validation that they were doing the best they could, that it was okay to feel what they felt and to let them know that I was there if they wanted to talk privately. Every new environment an expatriate is thrust into is not the best for everyone. The good news is that every new environment does have something precious to teach us and it is a gift we will carry for the rest of our lives.

Mumbai, and its unique, Kamikaze-driven cultural energy has offered me a mirror of what I don’t want to be, while still embracing the kindness and beauty of many of her people who I am privileged to call my friends. Would I stay here a moment longer than I have to? Not on your life!

It’s okay to feel what we feel without writhing in guilt. Most of us have spent a fortune and valuable time with a mental health professional just to come to a place where we can acknowledge, even express what we feel. Finding joy and peace is part of our individual search as is seeing the lessons in the reflections life throws our way. When we’re ready we’ll use them. It’s okay to be who we are in the moment. That goes for the lesson lady as well.

Copyright©2007 by Jeanne M. Eck. All rights reserved. For permission to use any or part of this article, kindly contact the author via her website at: Iamhappiertoknowyou.com. While you’re there, check out Jeanne’s award winning book I Am Happier to Know You.

Envy Craze

jeanneeck — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 22:41:00 +0000

World-wide the craze to bring down those we see as “more” than us has gone beyond ugly. Good heavens, in addition to a plethora of reality TV shows that suck dignity from those who participate, there are now websites dedicated to dissecting the sin of celebrities who dare to age in public! Yikes!

All around us we see envy (which is really about the fear that we “normal” mortals can’t make it the way celebrities have) reshuffling the deck against anyone who has had the audacity to use their unique talents to flourish. Rather than seeing a trail of inspiration, many see their own “failure.”

Celebrities are just like everyone else with the same basic equipment and talents unique to them. When they signed on to be successful, they didn’t give away their right to feel the same pain we feel or to relinquish their right to deal with it in private.

Our possibilities are endless, so is our fear. Putting others down because they had the courage to “make it” creates one more fear: “If I make it, I’ll be trashed, too… so I’m not going to try.”

©2007 by Jeanne M. Eck. All rights reserved. For permission to duplicate or quote extensively from this article, kindly contact the author via her website www.Iamhappiertoknowyou.com and while you’re there, checkout Jeanne’s award winning book, I Am Happier to Know You.